brunette789

Vivaspirit, the wonderful lady I bow down to for her glasses!kink arc has deleted her journal and I'm terribly upset. She wrote amazing fic, including her armpit porn, and now I don't know where to find it. Any of it. I wish there was a way for people to get rid of their journal while still allowing me to read their fic. If you actually read this and you are a writer and do at some point plan to delete your stories please let me know so I can save them all to my hard drive.

I came on for the first time in a while to do some reading and found half the stories locked or gone. I'm so upset about this. :(

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO! I have been waiting all fucking summer for this and I'm so happy I can't even explain it. That being said I was a little disappointed with the first episode. The ending made me sad and, at least for me, set things off on a bad note...as if they weren't bad enough already. I still LOVE Supernatural and anything related to it, I was just hoping for something...not really sure what. I guess I just didn't want things to be so dark, but it's the apocalypse so really I'm just being silly. That's all I have to say right now because I just started classes again and I'm too tired to think.

I'm a terrible reader and I haven't read a word of fanfic since the end of July, and even then I didn't read much. I have lost track of my favorite stories and let all my favorite authors' writing go by unnoticed. Not the mention all those people who I've never read before that have been brave enough to post their work. I feel like an ass. I'm also rather upset that I have fallen so far behind because now I don't even remember what's going on in half of the stories I had been following. On top of that, my classes start tomorrow so I will be in school for the first time in over a year. I'm extremely overwhelmed and starting to feel a little depressed. I can see random bouts of crying in my near future, hopefully they never happen but there's a good chance they will.

I'm going back to school having taken a year off and transfered, and I know plenty of people in my city but nobody on campus. I'm also living off campus so I lose the chance to meet people in a dorm, granted I could never live in a dorm again after spending the last year+ living alone and not having anyone tell me what I can and can't do in my own home. I just feel out of place and disenfranchised. I'm sure things will be better once classes start because I'll have more opportunity to meet people but at the moment I feel like I'm already at a disadvantage before I even get started. I've always had trouble fitting in and finding friends, I somehow managed to find a great group of people over the past year but that really doesn't help me now as none of them attend the same college as I do.

I kept saying that I was so prepared for this and I could handle it and blah blah blah but now that I sit down and think about the fact that my classes are tomorrow and just meditate on what's to come I find myself so scared. Scared that I will fail to assimilate myself into the environment, that I will fail my classes, and that I will fall back into that state of darkness and depression I found myself in as a freshman almost two years ago. I can't handle that again, I know almost for sure that if I get back to that place, there will be no getting out this time. I do not mean this to the extent of say suicide or anything, what I mean is that if I become depressed and fall behind in my work again and don't live up to even half of my potential I'm done. Byebye med school, good bye dreams, hello managerial position at a grocery store. Maybe not to that extent, but any honest failure will be so disheartening that I don't think I would be able to get myself back on track.

I know it's pretty ridiculous to think about failing before I even begin, but as I have some time to myself to just sit and think all these hidden emotions and fears just started coming up to the surface and asking me to play. It seems I have no choice but to go along with them and see where they lead, hopefully I will get to a point where I can move past them and start to enjoy myself. Perhaps things will get better once I start taking classes. I will never be the social butterfly my sister is, I do not possess the same social graces and ability to fit into any situation, especially when it requires me to be fake. I'm trying to learn but I think if you're not born with it you're kind of fucked on this one. I should really be looking at the positives, and I'm going to try, I'm even going so far as to attend a bbq on the quad that probably won't be attended by many commuters. Hopefully I'll be able to make some connections, if not it is a free meal...never a bad thing. I guess I just have to wait and see, wish me luck. Hopefully this week will proceed sans nervous breakdowns, panic attacks and/or tears.

To anyone who actually reads this, thank you for your time. I may not know you but I can say that I love you for caring enough about a stranger to spend a few minutes reading my thoughts. xo

I have been MIA for the past few weeks so I havent been able to watch the last two episodes of the season until today. I have somewhere to be shortly and I still have to shower and get dressed so I don't have time to write down all my thoughts right now. All I have to say at the moment is Jesus Chris are you kidding me?! I'm so pissed that I have to wait months for the next episode, especially with the way they ended it. That's the closest to a spoiler that will be found in the this post. If I have time later I'll probably sit down and try to sort out my thoughts and maybe even write some of them down, but for the moment all i have to say is Kripke/Supernatural writing staff you're an evil genious and I love you (but I also hate you right now).

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Anyone who reads this knows that I haven't really been keeping up on fic/tv but I just sat down and watched last night's episode of Supernatural.
I don't have the ability to write much right now as I still don't feel right but I do have a thought about this week and next episode. 

( Here they are )

Less than a week ago a very dear friend of mine chose to kill himself. I can't even begin to explain how this has effected my life as well as the lives of my friends. At this point in time I have a friend who flew back from California for the funeral staying with me so I can't write much but I think the strangest feeling I've had is annoyance for missing like a week worth of fic. I was in Philadelphia last Friday and was planning to stay there until Monday, when I got a call on Saturday and my friend Logan told me what had happened I got a ticket on the first available train back to Boston on Sunday morning. Since then I have been very busy with grieving and memorials and just crying my eyes out and I haven't been on livejournal until right now. I've been missing so many updates and new stories! My friends and I are fire performers and we are having a campfire/story circle tonight followed by a burn in Gabriel's honor which means I probably won't be able to really read anything until tomorrow.
I have a couple chapters of certain stories that I have to read right now before my friend wakes because I feel like I've been waiting forever and this would help me get out of my head for a little while, but other than that I have to wait. It's rather unfortunate that I'm so behind, just because I think reading would be a good way to get out of my head for a few minutes and take some time to put everything that has happened on the back burner and feel some lightness again. Later today I should have some free time to do a little reading, but the likelyhood is that I will end up writing an extremely long entry about Gabriel, who he was as a person, what I knew about his life before this tragedy and what I have learned since then, and what he meant to me. As if I can put all of that into words...but I think it's important for me to take time to sit down and let it all out. Even if I'm the only one who ever sees it.

A few weeks ago there was a marathon of every episode of Leverage and then the premier of the season finale. I ended up recording the entire season to watch at a later date but didn't get around to it until last night. I'm now in the middle of the 5th episode and I''m loving it! First of all, Jake  (you know, super strong Jake from season 2 of Supernatural) plays the computer geek and is absolutely hysterical. Than there's Chris, glorious beautiful Chris. He's such a great person to have play the muscle of the group cause he's got this sweet soft spoken voice that makes you melt a little, plus the ridiculous hair and slight accent. I love him! I never really thought of him as more than a singer because I hadn't seen him in anything, but boy was I wrong. Guh, so sexy. He's definitely gonna be involved in some of my dreams tonight.

The rest of the cast is great too, and I do like the premise of the show. It's not the best thing I've seen but it's entertaining and good for what it is. There are some really great funny moments too, like when Alec and Elliot go to visit someone at rehab and Alec pretends that they're dating, that's the one I just saw and it's my favorite so far (it prompted me to write this). I'm off to watch more. Christian I love you!

Adding a little more now, I love that Burning Man is referenced in an episode of Leverage, I didn't expect that one at all. Also Eliot is so cute when he gets defensive cause people are shocked by his smart ideas. SO CUTE.

Tonight I've decided that I'm going to write my review as a watch the episode so every time the show makes my eyes pop out of my head or scream "holy shit" at the tv, I can write it down. So here's my reaction written during the episode, and then my subsequent review.


( Read more... )

I'm in the middle of the episode at the moment but all I can say so far is OH MY GOD. First of all Cole is played by the same kid who plays Shane on Weeds, and I love him to death. He's so talented at such a young age.

Sam's little display of power in the graveyard, holy shit!

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Get out of me"
"You're such a prude"
incestuous much? Kripke is doing a wonderful job at combining humor with sexual innuendo to appeal to all the fangirls. I love it so much.

I also loved when Pamela whispered 'the incantation' in Sam's ear...he does have a great ass. But he needs to stop lying to Dean. It makes me sad. And Dean needs to stop holding a grudge, I don't like that passive aggressive side of him.


Continuing from further on in the episode...Alistair is a huge dick, I'm far from fond of him. And Sam in the motel room, he keeps getting stronger, and it just makes him that much hotter. I want him to use his powers to throw me against a wall.

And Castiel is back!!! I love Mischa, he's so nice to look at. Can't wait to see what happens next.

I went and saw the midnight showing of Watchmen last night. It was amazing! I love the comic so much and I was really hoping they would do right by it in the movie and they really did. I have a million things to say about it but I'm going to wait until I'm not at work to actually write them down. Not that anyone really reads my page, but I'll write nonetheless.

Today I get to go to the Spurs Celtics game at Boston Garden and sit 17th row (including the 10 rows of floor seats so really it's like the 7th row) center court behind Danny Ainge and Joe Kleine. Jo Jo White might be there as well, and some other retired Celtics players may be sitting around me. I think this is the most excited I've ever been for any single event. I love the Spurs, they're my favorite team and I have wanted to see one of their games since I was 8. The Celtics are the team I root for from the eastern conference, and when they beat the Lakers last season for the championship I was out there celebrating with everyone else (granted I was in Philly so there was a lot less celebration then I would have liked.) It's gonna be hard to go out there wearing green cause I love the Spurs so much, but a family member has season tickets and is taking my dad and I so I can't really go cheering for the Spurs in front of him. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH So excited my head might explode!

I know I never write here but I was just rewatching thursdays episode and that last scene killed me. I just want to take Dean in my arms and hug him for like five years. And then probably have sex with him after that...

I tried to post this on spnstoryfinders but the mod never approved it and I dont feel like waiting any longer...

I'm looking for a fic, I believe it is a oneshot, where Jensen is an artist. Jared is training to work in a business firm of some kind and before he knows that Jensen is the son of a major client, they sleep together. They meet again in a garden and sleep together another time. Jensen then starts to take Jared on dates around the world. I remember that they went to a cabin, I believe in Africa, at one point. At the end Jensen invites Jared to have a tequila with him in Mexico and Jared basically tells Jensen he loves him in spanish. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

YAYYYYYYYY!

Unfortunately UPS sucks and they won't deliver my packages when I'm not in my apartment, which I'm not whenever they come cause I'm taking classes. They haven't left me one of those slips asking when they should come back, and I haven't been contacted at all. Instead they have been emailing my mom in CT and telling her that they package couldn't be delivered, and she can't really do anything about that or tell them when to come back, so it's just plain stupid for them to contact her instead of me, the resident at the delivery location. So thus far, I can't get any of my presents, which makes me sad. Not really sure what to do about that at this point.

I also don't really know anyone in Boston at this point so I'm probably gonna end up spending my birthday on the couch having a few beers and watching what not to wear...pretty eventful evening to look forward to. In the meantime I have to go out and attempt to find a job so that I can have some extra spending money and hopefully meet some people. Let's all cross our fingers for me. And again I say, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

It is now 2:58AM on Sunday the 29th which means exactly 29 hours until my birthday. YAY!!!!

I'd like a wet naked Jared please.

I'm convinced they have like a sex schedule or something cause every night at 2 if I'm asleep they wake me up with this loud banging, and if I'm trying to sleep they keep me awake with loud banging. It sounds like they're moving furniture at 2am and instead of walking the stuff to the other side of the room they decided to be lazy and threw it all. Seriously, about to kill them. And then today they woke me up at 6AM with what I thought was a earthquake, because a person can't possibly make that much noise. I'm about to go ream them a new one, or ask them nicely to shut the fuck up. I can't decide which one. Suggestions?

In that order, I've moved into my apartment for the summer. It's good for what it is. It's not somewhere I would live for an entire year but its good for two months. It's got a tiny ass kitchen though, like I can't even fit my pots and pans into the cabinets if I want to put all my plates/bowls in them. Kinda sucks.

Next topic, bad weather. There's a horrific thunderstorm going on right now. Like scary loud thunder and sideways rain. It actually appeared to be calming down until that massive thunderclap just made my building shake a little. I just don't want to lose power cause I'll be all alone in my apartment with a computer that doesn't have a fully charged battery and I'll start to freak out.

Hanson, recently, for no real reason, popped into my head. So of course I had to go out and get the entire discography and dance around to 90s pop. DId anyone know they had another cd come out recently, they're all married with 1 or more kids, and they're still touring? WHAT? I remember going to their concert in 3rd grade...and yes I'm damn proud of that. 6th row bitches! But seriously, when did they grow up? Last I remember they all had long hair and people thought they were girls.

Lastly by birthday...6 DAYS! If anyone would like to write me some really hot J2 or wincest sex against a wall I would love you forever. I have major possessiveness, jealousy, and dirty talk kinks so if you do decide to write me something and you throw one of those in I'll love you forever. Also, money and presents are appreciated, even though nobody on here really knows my name or anything about me, but still... So instead just give me porn!!! Also Hand!porn is also more than welcome, anything porny relating to Jared's hands...MAJOR YES!

So It's pretty damn clear that the Celtics took NBA Championship title tonight, but let's just take a moment to look at Ray Allen's AMAZING performance tonight. 7-9 3-pt. field goals made, tying the record for the most 3 point shots made in any NBA finals game. He also set the record for most 3 point shots made in an NBA finals series with 22. He is INCREDIBLE. Seriously, incredible, I can't believe that the man I'm watching on TV right now is the same college player I met when I was five, six, and seven. I mean I can believe it cause he was always amazing, but I can't believe that I can sit here and be like "oh, yeah, I met him." He's so fucking adorable, and after his performance tonight I don't even know what to do with myself, I just love him so much right now.

I leave you with these parting words: NBA CHAMPIONS BITCHES!

Nice little edit: KG crying and dedicating the game to his hometown and his mom has got to be the sweetest thing ever. I love when athletes are so happy that they just cry. I'm so happy for them, and him crying makes me want to cry.

A couple other records broken/set tonight: Greatest margin of win for any NBA finals clinching game. Most steals of any NBA finals game.

Also, Rondo WAS a star as Phil Jackson said, and by the way I do love Phil Jackson, I think he's a great coach and a great person.